you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
