Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
