How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
