how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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