I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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