Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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