I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
