If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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