don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
