i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
