i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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