I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
