around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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