my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
