I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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