Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
