I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
