@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
porn star boner night. come get it.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
