i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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