ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
