i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
