I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
