96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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