i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
