i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
