dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
