I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
