So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Randomize
