Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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