It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
