I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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