the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
