i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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