Three words: puerto rican gang bang
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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