Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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