I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
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