I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
