so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
