we have officially lost it.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
