Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
