I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just google imaged poop.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
