Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
that may or may not have been my penis.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
