I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
