you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
