Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
