I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
