I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
