He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
