I can text with my tongue
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
