You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
