Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Randomize
